Weblioscope Week of 5th April 2007

Weblioscopes:  Advice for All Sun Signs 06 April through 13 April 2007 is a new twist on the old astro-tango by Guest Scoper, Cirese Summerrose.

Weblioscopes are the union of babliomancy, divination through opening websites to random pages and pondering the meaning of the phrases therein, and horoscopes.  My job is to match them up, and make sure the Scorpio doesn’t wear a tartan tutu.
Weblioscopes differ from Biblioscopes in that each sign has its own webpage.  I ask the Universe to guide my astigmatic eyes to the correct phrase and offer insight to each pertinent and impertinent sign.*

Aries (March 21 – April 20)  http://www.stumbleupon.com/addphoto.php

“Discover new sites, Meet people with similar interests, Express yourself!”

Aries, it is time to take your agoraphobia out for a walk.  I don’t care if you have to put it on a leash, but out out out!  Go to the park and sail a little origami boat on the lake/fountain.  Bark at a few yippee dogs.  Buy chocolate, but get out and notice the snowdrops doing their own push-ups and realize that they are your own inspiration.

Taurus (April 21- May 20)  http://www.spapo.com/s292.html

“I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.  As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.”

It really does not matter who gets the job done, Taurus, just so long as it gets done.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)  http://www.himachalpradesh.us/gods/himachal_deities.php

“Saraswati :- As the goddess of learning, knowledge, and wisdom, Saraswati…means “the essence of the self”. Many believe that ones self-essence can be found through the use of knowledge and wisdom.”

It is time to stop and meditate on YOURSELF, Gemini.  Go within and ask your own Guides for help on your path, for only through yourself can you be anything much to others.

Cancer (June 21-July 20)  http://freespellsonline.com/tip.php?tipid=6

“The sickness is flowing out of me,
Into the water, down to the sea.”

Imagination is as powerful as what some of us call Reality.  Memorize this chant in times of trouble and stress and illness, especially when showering and visualize all your troubles going down the drain.  It’s going to be OKAY!

Leo (July 21-Aug. 20)  http://www.quotatio.com/f/franklin-benjamin-quotes.html

“All would live long, but none would be old. – Benjamin Franklin”

Anyone can be beautiful when they are young; it takes a truly lovely soul to be beautiful when they are old.  Let your soul shine through.

Virgo (Aug. 21-Sept. 20)  http://www.jewcy.com/feature/03-09/bestseller_blitzkreig

“Kabbalah: The ancient Jewish study of mysticism, a poetic and lyrical celebration of myth and mystery whose true meaning and insight is unknowable except by a few advanced scholars of the ancient texts—scholars who seek to understand nothing less than the question of our existence, the meaning of our lives, the nature of that light within us we call “soul.” Oh, and Madonna.”

Have you been pondering the Meaning of Life these days, Virgo?  Got indigestion after eating the words of too many brochures from too many faiths saying they are the ONLY WORD OF GOD?  Go back to Simplicity.  Faith is not complicated and the more Rules there are, the more Man has got his mighty money-grubbing fist there at the checkout.  It’s all pretty simple:  Love One Another—the basic tenet of ALL faiths.

Libra (Sept. 21-Oct. 20)  http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/65style

“Sergio Valente put it best when he said, ‘How you look tells the world how you feel.’”

Is it time to re-evaluate your wardrobe, Libra?  Are you only wearing clothes in there because they are EXPECTED of you because of your age/profession/your mother says so?  Who is in charge of you anyway?  Look, clothing is nothing more than costumes in the play of our lives.  You are the STAR in your own life and you deserve to dress the part.  Go out and find something that really says who you are or who you WISH you were.

Scorpio (Oct. 21-Nov. 20)  http://www.librarian.net/technicality.html

“We’re Sorry!  Due to National Security concerns, we are unable to tell you if your Internet surfing habits, passwords and email content are being monitored by federal agents; please act appropriately.”

Feeling a bit paranoid Scorpio?  You have every reason to be.

Sagittarius (Nov. 21-Dec.20)  http://translate.parish.ath.cx/

“The words should be automatically translated into the language of your choice…”

Seek alternate ways to communicate ideas, Sagittarius, and I think you will be blown away by the results!

Capricorn (Dec. 21-Jan. 20)  http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/

“Scaling the Cliffs of Insanity, Battling Rodents of Unusual Size, Facing torture in the Pit of Despair. – True love has never been a snap.”

…But it’s worth it, yeah?

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb 20)  http://worldwideblessing.com/index.html

“May the light of peace go before you, and let you live with happiness and hilarity together, speak only what may benefit others and yourself, avoid trifling conversation.”

You are the teacher this time, Aquarius, and by your actions, Mankind is your student.  I hope they all get an “A”.
Pisces (Feb.21-Mar. 20)  http://oubliette.alpha-geek.com/images/ninjabeg.jpg

“Ninjas killed my family.  Need money for Kung-fu Lessons.”

The Truth, Pisces, will set you free.  And might even get you a beer.

*The dates given to each sun sign are approximate–the dates of each sun sign change annually with the date of the vernal equinox. If you were born between the 18th and 24th of any month, you should get a free astrology report from www.astrology.com or www.geocosmic.org just so you can answer properly when someone asks, “What’s your sign?” so you can quit telling them “Motel 666”.