Weblioscope Week of 5th April 2007

Weblioscopes:  Advice for All Sun Signs 06 April through 13 April 2007 is a new twist on the old astro-tango by Guest Scoper, Cirese Summerrose.

Weblioscopes are the union of babliomancy, divination through opening websites to random pages and pondering the meaning of the phrases therein, and horoscopes.  My job is to match them up, and make sure the Scorpio doesn’t wear a tartan tutu.
Weblioscopes differ from Biblioscopes in that each sign has its own webpage.  I ask the Universe to guide my astigmatic eyes to the correct phrase and offer insight to each pertinent and impertinent sign.*

Aries (March 21 – April 20)  http://www.stumbleupon.com/addphoto.php

“Discover new sites, Meet people with similar interests, Express yourself!”

Aries, it is time to take your agoraphobia out for a walk.  I don’t care if you have to put it on a leash, but out out out!  Go to the park and sail a little origami boat on the lake/fountain.  Bark at a few yippee dogs.  Buy chocolate, but get out and notice the snowdrops doing their own push-ups and realize that they are your own inspiration.

Taurus (April 21- May 20)  http://www.spapo.com/s292.html

“I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.  As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.”

It really does not matter who gets the job done, Taurus, just so long as it gets done.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)  http://www.himachalpradesh.us/gods/himachal_deities.php

“Saraswati :- As the goddess of learning, knowledge, and wisdom, Saraswati…means “the essence of the self”. Many believe that ones self-essence can be found through the use of knowledge and wisdom.”

It is time to stop and meditate on YOURSELF, Gemini.  Go within and ask your own Guides for help on your path, for only through yourself can you be anything much to others.

Cancer (June 21-July 20)  http://freespellsonline.com/tip.php?tipid=6

“The sickness is flowing out of me,
Into the water, down to the sea.”

Imagination is as powerful as what some of us call Reality.  Memorize this chant in times of trouble and stress and illness, especially when showering and visualize all your troubles going down the drain.  It’s going to be OKAY!

Leo (July 21-Aug. 20)  http://www.quotatio.com/f/franklin-benjamin-quotes.html

“All would live long, but none would be old. – Benjamin Franklin”

Anyone can be beautiful when they are young; it takes a truly lovely soul to be beautiful when they are old.  Let your soul shine through.

Virgo (Aug. 21-Sept. 20)  http://www.jewcy.com/feature/03-09/bestseller_blitzkreig

“Kabbalah: The ancient Jewish study of mysticism, a poetic and lyrical celebration of myth and mystery whose true meaning and insight is unknowable except by a few advanced scholars of the ancient texts—scholars who seek to understand nothing less than the question of our existence, the meaning of our lives, the nature of that light within us we call “soul.” Oh, and Madonna.”

Have you been pondering the Meaning of Life these days, Virgo?  Got indigestion after eating the words of too many brochures from too many faiths saying they are the ONLY WORD OF GOD?  Go back to Simplicity.  Faith is not complicated and the more Rules there are, the more Man has got his mighty money-grubbing fist there at the checkout.  It’s all pretty simple:  Love One Another—the basic tenet of ALL faiths.

Libra (Sept. 21-Oct. 20)  http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/65style

“Sergio Valente put it best when he said, ‘How you look tells the world how you feel.’”

Is it time to re-evaluate your wardrobe, Libra?  Are you only wearing clothes in there because they are EXPECTED of you because of your age/profession/your mother says so?  Who is in charge of you anyway?  Look, clothing is nothing more than costumes in the play of our lives.  You are the STAR in your own life and you deserve to dress the part.  Go out and find something that really says who you are or who you WISH you were.

Scorpio (Oct. 21-Nov. 20)  http://www.librarian.net/technicality.html

“We’re Sorry!  Due to National Security concerns, we are unable to tell you if your Internet surfing habits, passwords and email content are being monitored by federal agents; please act appropriately.”

Feeling a bit paranoid Scorpio?  You have every reason to be.

Sagittarius (Nov. 21-Dec.20)  http://translate.parish.ath.cx/

“The words should be automatically translated into the language of your choice…”

Seek alternate ways to communicate ideas, Sagittarius, and I think you will be blown away by the results!

Capricorn (Dec. 21-Jan. 20)  http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0093779/

“Scaling the Cliffs of Insanity, Battling Rodents of Unusual Size, Facing torture in the Pit of Despair. – True love has never been a snap.”

…But it’s worth it, yeah?

Aquarius (Jan. 21-Feb 20)  http://worldwideblessing.com/index.html

“May the light of peace go before you, and let you live with happiness and hilarity together, speak only what may benefit others and yourself, avoid trifling conversation.”

You are the teacher this time, Aquarius, and by your actions, Mankind is your student.  I hope they all get an “A”.
Pisces (Feb.21-Mar. 20)  http://oubliette.alpha-geek.com/images/ninjabeg.jpg

“Ninjas killed my family.  Need money for Kung-fu Lessons.”

The Truth, Pisces, will set you free.  And might even get you a beer.

*The dates given to each sun sign are approximate–the dates of each sun sign change annually with the date of the vernal equinox. If you were born between the 18th and 24th of any month, you should get a free astrology report from www.astrology.com or www.geocosmic.org just so you can answer properly when someone asks, “What’s your sign?” so you can quit telling them “Motel 666”.

Why 23?

The Number 23 movie comes out today. It’s a creepy story starring Jim “I play creepy guys” Carrey. In it, Jim is a regular guy who receives a book of paranoid ravings about the number 23, becomes a 23rdian,and then ends up in that paranoid world himself.

Where did they come up with that idea? The 23 enigma has been in the underground conscious for quite some time. Some believe that those who see the number 23 around them is a harbinger of new wealth. Some believe that it is a sign of conspiracy or other sign of cosmic consciousness. I know that ideawas spread by Robert Anton Wilson’s book, “Cosmic Trigger,” which also spread the cult of Discordianism. Twenty-three is the number of the Goddess Discordia. Wilson said that he did not uncover the 23 enigma, but that William S. Burroughs did, after 2 disasters happened on the same day: a ferry boat, helmed by a Capt. Clark, sank after 23 years of good luck; and a flight 23 helmed by another Capt. Clark crashed on the same day. Afterwards, Burroughs kept a scrapbook ofthese 23 incidents for years.

Some people have very personal stories of 23. One man found the number 23 all around this death of his father. And another has found that 23 is being used to market Dr. Pepper to us, of all things.
Having studied Chaldean numerology, I’m going to tell you a secret: the number 23 is a good luck number of publishing–like the number 32, which all 23rdians count as a 23. It knows how to get itself noticed!

Well, I’ve googled “23″ here at 23rd Mandalation. We’ve been at this for almost a year now, and so far the number 23 has come up 6 times, 212 and 2012 3 times, and 32 also 3 times. I guess our time of wealth has not yet come.

Valentine’s Day: The Past Was Worse

Believe it or not, St. Valentine’s Day is my day. Hearts and chocolate and kissing… that’s me! Suki means loveable, after all. (Japanese do not have the verb love the way the Westerners do.)

But what in the world does that have to do with a Roman Catholic Saint?

Starting as a Roman Feast of Lupercalia–you know, back in Roman times–February 14/15 was a fertility festival, which took a few different forms. In some areas, young men dressed wearing freshly cut goat skins would gad about and spank women with small whips. Women weren’t running, either–it was considered good fertility luck to get spanked with this mini-whip by a young man in a bloody goat skin.

Romans sure were kinky! The Luper (meaning wolf) part of this has to do with Rome being founded by twins named Romulus and Remus, who were raised by a wolf. Wolf-mother–fertility, get it?

Another Lupercalian fertility ceremony was the maiden lottery, in which young women would put their names in to be chosen by men and become their sexual partners for the duration of the festival, and sometimes for the year. This was extremely popular with Roman soldiers (wonder why?) and the custom was taken with them to the rest of Europe. This is another reason I try to remain in serious relationships.
Of course, (yawn) Roman Catholicism came into power, and had to take away all the fun. They made February 14th St. Valentine’s Feast Day. St. V. was put to death for performing marriages. And our Valentines are vestiges of  the lottery.

I am just glad the bloody goat skin didn’t survive to modern day. It would mess up my dress.

Damn Foreigners…

Iceland is having a Cultural Revolution. Never mind that they KEEP having them. After all, the average Icelander is a mixture of Norwegian, Danish, and abducted Irish women. But that is all in the past and they all know how to speak Icelandic by now—according to some, the world’s 3rd most difficult language.

Recently, there has been an influx of other damn foreigners to this remote and incredible volcanic island. (BESIDES me.) They are building a damn, er… dam in the preserves and it’s causing all kinds of trouble, political and otherwise. It has attracted workers from all over the EU (European Union) and taken jobs away from Icelanders who had no intention of doing them anyway as they are… horrible.  The jobs, that is.
But that is not the worst part. The damn dam is disturbing the REALLY native Icelanders. The elves. And these are not just any old elves either. Just get those little pert Keebler cookie gobbling smartass elves out of your mind this second because Icelandic elves are large, blue and fierce. They have what can only be described as Super Powers and the Icelanders respect them so very much they will not build houses, roads, or anything else at an Enchanted Site because those elves are Badasses.

Hence the crux of the problem—the damn dam is being constructed by a sub-contractor, an American company, who would take one look at a blue elf and tell him to go put on his jacket and get back to work. This is REALLY not a good idea. There are folk stories about people who are rude to elves disappearing into the middle of the Icelandic desert lured by Elfin Ways so their families starve or their wells run dry if an elf asks for a drink and they turn them away… or worse. Elves are notoriously horny. And tall.

If one looks at the Icelandic people, one cannot help but notice the women are heightful and beautiful and the men are smaller and well…just check the box for “other”. I could not help but be over-mirthed when I ran across a link from someone who believes herself to be an expert on “Elf Sex” and even advertises in a travel brochure distributed in Icelandic Tour Shops that she is available to discuss the topic for a fee. Here is a link to her blog:  http://elftruths.blogspot.com/

I can only wonder if this girl has been watching Lord of the Rings just a LITTLE TOO OFTEN…

Why would I think that?

Because I’ve met an elf of course.  And he didn’t even make a pass at me.

Valentine’s Day–Geek Out with the One You Love.

Valentine’s Day is here, when even geekiest turn their thoughts to love. It’s a time for proposals and wedding planning–Star Wars wedding planning, that is. But don’t you wish there were a Star Wars wedding planner guide?

While no event planner myself, I can provide some examples, like the S/W cake topper above–which is available in Luke (eeeew!) or Han. The good news is that S/W takes the guess work out of what all the groomsmen should wear:

Hey! I think there are some Klingons in the picture! Must be the wife’s family…

Finally, if you are wondering about how the big day could go, check out this happy family’s big event: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AnGvBB1zFA

Watch all the way to the end! Anakin transforms into Darth Vader, and the bride looks a little afraid! What is that saying about their marriage, I wonder.

Opening 2007

The Creation Museum, in St. Petersburg, Ky.!

If it’s in a museum, it must be true.–R. Legault

What is so different about this museum, you ask. Here is the answer, straight from the FAQ page:

Almost all natural-history museums proclaim an evolutionary, humanistic worldview. For example, they will typically place dinosaurs on an evolutionary timeline millions of years before man. AiG’s museum will proclaim the authority and accuracy of the Bible from Genesis to Revelation, and will show that there is a Creator, and that this Creator is Jesus Christ (Colossians 1:15-20), who is our Savior.

For a “walk-through” click here.

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So, What Are You Doing After You Die?

Death has come to my attention lately. My son, who is four, asked me what will happen after I die. My response, as we hurried across a busy intersection (trying not to die) was: “I will lie down and not get up, and you will have to go live with your dad.”

Which is all my son needs to know right now. But then I thought about it: What if, after you die, what happens to you depends on what you believe: If you believe you deserve Heaven, there you go; Hell, and you are on your way. I think when I was a young teen I read a science fiction short story like that once. But what if you believe in something else? Heaven/Hell may not apply. For instance, I know a few neo-Hellenics, and they will pass through the River of Lethe, forget their whole lives, and then live in sorrow in a grimly half-lit Underworld.

I like the afterlife of the Ancient Egyptians a little better. If you believe in the Egyptian gods, then you better make sure your two halves (spiritual and physical) meet and then you can become a force that wanders the earth, not unlike the latest version of the movie,”The Mummy.” It makes me think of zombies. I suppose I could terrorize the people who gave me grief (I’ll have to make a list before I’m entombed) and stop cars from hitting all the people who were good to me (another, much shorter list).

Speaking of Zombies, if you believe in voodoo, you can eventually join cosmic forces, but first you have to trust your relatives to protect your gravesite for a week (so no one can make you into a zombie) and then to remember to “raise” you in ceremony a year later, after which you become a minor divinity they pray to (you do their bidding) and then, 16 cycles later, you get a break.

Something else that takes a long time, but more restful: Islam. I am sure by now you’ve heard about the 72 virgins (and what are us girls supposed to do after we die?) but did you know that’s not supposed to happen until after Judgment day? There are Muslims who have been waiting in their graves hundreds of years already!

Something more immediate: I have always liked the idea of reincarnation. More Hindu than Buddhist (Buddhists suggest reincarnation, but Buddha himself did not believe in idle speculation on the afterlife. Besides, Buddhists don’t believe we have souls that stay the same.) Hinduism is closely related to the caste system.If you do lots of good, release your desires, you’ll be born into a better caste next time around. What better way to keep your servants on their best behavior.

Jesus and his Heaven are looking better and better.

If you can do without Jesus, a Hopi belief, shared by many other Native American groups, was a sort of happy hunting ground: we just go back “where we came from.” Somewhere at the beginning of time, where all is still wonderful: convenient two-way rivers, and a whole lot of buffalo.
I was raised more Protestant than anything else, more from my parents’ unconscious value system than any formal teaching. My son will get that from me. But maybe I can learn more about the Hopi, and tell my son when we die we go back where we came from–two way rivers and buffalo sound fine to me.

For a complete list and explanation of afterlives, visit http://www.near-death.com/religion.html

Thomas Jefferson’s Koran to Be Used in Swearing-In

This guy gets the last laugh after coming under fire–From Bring It On!: Rep.-elect Keith Ellison, the first Muslim elected to Congress, found himself under attack last month when he announced he’d take his oath of office on the Koran — especially from Virginia Rep. Virgil Goode, who called it a threat to American values. Yet the holy book at tomorrow’s ceremony has an unassailably all-American provenance. We’ve learned that the new congressman — in a savvy bit of political symbolism — will hold the personal copy once owned by Thomas Jefferson. Link is here.

The Mahdi Here By Spring?

So sayeth the Iranians. I had heard that President Amadinejad had ordered a clean-up of Tehran in prep for this. From the article: An official state media website in Iran has posted a message heralding the coming of the Shiite messianic figure, Imam Mahdi, noting he could arrive with Jesus by the spring equinox. “Imam Mahdi (may God hasten his reappearance) will appear all of a sudden on the world scene with a voice from the skies announcing his reappearance at the holy Ka’ba in Mecca,” the message says. The Islamic Republic of Iran broadcasting website said in a program called “The World toward Illumination,” that the Mahdi will form an army to defeat the enemies of Islam in a series of apocalyptic battles, in which the Mahdi will overcome his archvillain in Jerusalem. Interesting link: http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=53577

Saddam’s Ghost Haunts Baghdad

From the India Daily: In a most bizarre stories ever heard, some people in Baghdad are claiming that they are seeing Saddam’s ghost in Baghdad public areas. Sources say, this may be a plot by the Baathists to keep Saddam ‘alive’ among the Sunni communities. Some claim he is seen in restaurants, markets and so on. It is possible many Saddam look-alikes are now more prominent and people are mistaking these look-alikes as possible Saddam. It is also possible that Saddam was such a threat that people just cannot believe he is dead and not coming back. None of these possible ghost sightings are confirmed by any reliable sources or Iraqi authorities. Saddam Hussein was buried before dawn on Sunday in his native village of Awja, near Tikrit in northern Iraq, the head of his tribe and a family source said. Ali al-Nida, head of the Albu Nasir tribe, told Reuters the burial in a family plot took place in the early morning, less than 24 hours after the former president was hanged for crimes against humanity. He gave no further details. A source close to Saddam’s family confirmed his remains were interred at Awja, where his sons Uday and Qusay, killed by US troops in 2003, also lie in a family plot. The family had said he might be buried in the western city of Ramadi.Arab television stations broadcast new video images of Saddam’s hanging, apparently shot on a low-quality camera by guards or other officials at the execution, taken from a different angle from footage shown on Iraqi state television.